Driver Loves Beer

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with me or with Israel, but I figured I'd share it. What a great world...

A CNN Article:

"An Australian driver who secured a carton of beer in his car with a seat belt but left a 5-year-old child unrestrained was fined 750 Australian dollars ($710; €460), police said Tuesday.

Constable Wayne Burnett said he was "shocked and appalled" when he pulled over the unregistered car on Friday in the central Australian town of Alice Springs.

The 30-can carton was strapped in between the two adults sitting in the back seat of the car. The child was also in back, on the vehicle's floor.

"The child was sitting in the lump in the center, unrestrained," Burnett told reporters Tuesday.

"I haven't ever seen something like this before," he said. "This is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child."

Actually, now that I think of it, this does have something to do with me in Israel. I tell my friends all the time that I miss cases of beer. The biggest package of beer you can get here, like in the supermarket, as far as I've seen, is a six-pack. A six-pack? How many six-packs do you need to throw a party...

Just buy vodka, instead.

A Bulldozer On A Small Street

I wonder what the driver of this bulldozer was thinking when he woke up this morning. "Yes, yes, I will drive a bulldozer against traffic on a side-street today. I will do this at eight in the morning. I will do this on a street with a large elementary school, that way I'll catch all the people dropping their kids off. Yes, yes, I will get them..."

Honestly, sometimes I just love this country. I wake up pretty early for me, get to school by eight every morning, five days a week, and then begin my day just trying to fight through the normal early morning reticence. Sometimes that can be harder than the Hebrew I'm working on, which is saying something.

So, when the first thing I see before walking into Ulpan Etzion, my Hebrew immersion school, is a giant bulldozer blocking a whole line of soccer moms and their kids, well, it really starts the day off right! I watched this scene for about five minutes. The guy just sat there in his not-so-luxury Volvo, staring out of that giant glass window. That's got to be the safest Volvo this street has ever seen.

The dozer just sat there, waiting. The woman in the car directly in front of him, as you can see, finally got out of her car. The woman in the car behind her got out, looked at the line of cars backed up behind them, and just threw her hands up. Exasperated. A pedestrian went over to the driver and they chatted it up, actually just laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Mind you, I would have expected Israelis to be screaming, yelling, throwing menacing hand gestures, or in the least giving the evil eye. Instead, everyone was quite civil. Not normal in this country, it seems, when it comes to drivers.

Maybe we should have more female drivers? Or maybe more bulldozers on the streets, going the wrong way. You have to laugh when this world throws you purple lemons.

The craziest thing is that I don't even know of a construction site in the direction this guy was headed, and I've walked the area...

Jerusalem Zoo: Peeing and Humping

I went to the zoo a couple days ago with a few friends. It's a nice zoo, with all the animals you could hope for. Don't worry, this peeing primate was just about the first thing I saw too. He was sitting there, squatting by the moat, staring at his audience. I guess he didn't think much of us.




















Penguins in the Middle East? Yeah, we've got that.





That's a random lion tranq dart inside their cage area. They were just chillin'. I guess they already shot up? Junkie lions, who would have guessed?





And finally, a tiger mounts his lady. This was probably the best zoo experience EVER! Sex, drugs, exhibitionist urination - is this a zoo or San Francisco?

The zoo was actually really cool. It's called the "Biblical Zoo." What that means is that for each animal they put a passage from the Bible where such an animal is mentioned. Snakes, various types of rams, goats, and antelopes, insects and lizards and giraffes; everything.

I was loving the desert range they had. Giraffes, hippos, ostriches, rams, zebras - all living together. A massive hippo walked next to the alpha giraffe, an easy kill it looked like to me, and they just brushed by like any two New Yorkers not giving a fiddler's fart about the other. We've got a lot to learn from these beasts.

Here's one safe for the whole family. I don't want my grandma to think I'm a weirdo or something...

Old England in Netanya, Israel

Isn't that just beautiful? Most people don't seem to realize that Israel is on the Mediterranean, and being that the Mediterranean bears ethereal magnificence, Israel is graced with some of the most breathtaking beaches around. Yes, yes, the Caribbean and Thailand are great, but if you walk three minutes from an Israeli Mediterranean beach, well, you're walking on some Biblical site, in some Biblical town, by some Biblical characters and their homes.

What you're looking at in the picture is a view from a balcony overlooking some of the beaches in Netanya. Netanya is slightly north of Tel Aviv, obviously on the coast, and it's well known for having the Ikea store. That and the best coastline in Israel, at least according to me. Not only do kids surf there, but it's also a hot destination for riding horses on the sand. Considering its physical qualities, the foreigners have moved in en-masse.

Land values in Israel are on the rise, astronomically, in no small part due to the rise in foreign-owned property. Rich Americans, Canadians, Brits, and French are notorious for buying up apartments, old Turkish houses, and land in areas like Baka and Katamon in Jerusalem (the German Colony). These neighborhoods are literally the Little Americas of Israel. You can walk down the street in Katamon and hear Hebrew, but if you walk by a school in the morning, I can guarantee you you'll hear a mother or father talking to a kid or two in English. If you get on the number 18 bus on Emek Refaim and don't hear some English, you might want to make sure you didn't have a concussion and wandered somewhere else.

Those communities in Jerusalem are so Americanized, or owned by non-native Israelis, because they are gorgeous locations. Emek Refaim and the surrounding Baka/Katamon neighborhoods were expensive areas in the time of the Turks, and they haven't ceased to be the most desirous since. An example? When the German Templars (a Christian sect that owned this area) were evicted after WW2 by the British because of their support of Nazi Germany, where do you think the British officers lived? Yup, they squatted on the houses in Baka, Katamon, and on Emek Refaim. How nice are they? You can't buy a place for less than a million, and that's probably a junky attic.

I went to Netanya for the first weekend of Passover (Pesach). I have a good friend whose step-father is a Brit, and besides owning a nice apartment in, you guessed it, Katamon, they have a place in a community in Netanya actually not known as Little America, but rather as Little England. On the way to synagogue one morning, I ran into a random British guy, and he asked me where I was going to daven.

I told him "Young Israel," the synagogue that my host goes to. The guy looked at me, chuckled, and like a good Brit he came back with some biting wit. "Yeah, more like Old England." The synagogue is populated by a bunch of old guys. I guess it takes a lifetime of income to afford one of these places.

It seems strange to me that there are definitively American places, and as if there is any need to further subcategorize Western, non-native Israeli areas, there's also those definitively British and French spots as well. That's one aspect to the whole 'Israel as the center of Judaism,' where Jews from all over the world come here to live or play. You don't think of this country as being large and diverse enough to merit definitively foreign clusters, but humans are humans, and we tend to group ourselves as we find most comfortable.

That being said, most of that "foreign" business is American. In Jerusalem, in general, if you see an Indo-European text on a sign, it's probably in English. However, if you are walking on Rechov Nice (a street) in Netanya, those signs are going to be in French. At first I unwittingly laughed at the stupid Israelis, putting "cacher" instead of "kosher" on a restaurant ad. Use a spell check! But, remember the street name, Danny! It's not Nice as in "nice to meet you," but rather Nice, the French Riviera resort city. At least in Jerusalem they name the streets in Hebrew! Usually.

We had our Pessach seder at my friend's step-father's apartment, which is right on the beach, and has a view of the ocean. I've been here before, and I was anxiously awaiting going back to see that terrific seascape again. I was unaware, however, at how many people were going to be there. After I found out that about 16 bodies were going to be staying at the apartment, eight of which were girls under the age of seven, I got a little nervous. Then my friend, her brother, and her sister and I went over to their friend's apartment. This family happens to be doing Passover in Italy, if you get where I'm going with this. I've known all these people for a while now, but I guess I'm always a little taken aback when I see their places.



Let's just say I'm constantly plagued by the worst of the deadly sins.

Israeli Candy

Israelis generally speak English pretty well. They start learning that lingua franca somewhere around first or second grade. The TV show "Friends" was a huge hit, and I personally was involved with an Air Force intelligence officer who spoke perfect English; she claims it was from watching that show. I was on the bus recently and saw an Israeli high schooler reading an English novel. They speak English!

So how on G-d's green earth do these misplaced and inappropriate words and expressions go unnoticed?! I love it, don't get me wrong, I love it, but aren't we trying to be a first-rate country over here? The real joke is whether or not they plan on trying to export anything to an English speaking country. I love me some sugar candy, but maybe this isn't just candy...

If you notice, I already got my fix. Pretty powerful sugar if you ask me. Look at those faces! I can just hear them now:

"Hey man, hey, I swear it's good, man. Just take a hit, bro, it'll mess you up!" Says the winking guy in the upper left corner.

Tongue hanging out, drool dribbling down his chin, this joker manages to slur "I can't feel my face, man. Why you starin' at me?"

"Withdrawal is a bitch..." says the frowny face in the lower right.

And the best? What kind of advertising is this, at least for parents who may buy this drug for their kids? Yes, I want my child to be so high on "Magic Dust" (say that slowly) that his eyes go in different directions. "You gotta try it, you gotta try it!"

Finally, look at this sedated face. "I'm so messed up I can barely keep my eyes open, my pupils are so dilated you can barely see the color, and damnit, it feeeeeels goooood."

I had the brilliant idea to take a picture of this bag next to a line of salt and a rolled up bank note, making it look like a real drug scene. I figured my mom and Google wouldn't share my humor, though. Hey, quit stifling my creativity, stupid anti-drug society! We here in Israel know how to do it, even if we do advertise candy corn on a bag of pure sugar in a country where I have never even seen candy corn. Good riddance to that stupid Halloween treat. I'd rather have the Dust, baby. Yeah, get me some more of that Magic Dust.

I love Israeli candy.

MOUSE MAN!

Tonight was the start of Purim, which in Jerusalem lasts through Sunday. Purim is the holiday remembering a very specific story of Jewish past. In short, we were exiled from the Land of Israel (6th century BCE), and found ourselves under Persian rule. Persian King Ahasverus had a high-ranking officer named Haman. When Haman was entering the palace, the high priest of the Jews, Mordechai, would not bow down to him. Haman wanted to kill Mordechai and the Jews, and he got Ahasverus' permission to make a decree to exterminate all the Jews in the Persian Empire. So, Mordechai sends in his niece, Ester, Ahasverus' new queen, and she talks to old Ahas. He loves her, she reveals Haman's plan, Ahasverus has Haman hung on the very trees he planned to hang the Jews on... yay! As we say: They tried to kill us, they got theirs, now let's get drunk!

Purim is celebrated by giving gifts to the poor, gifts to our friends (mishloach manot), listening to the reading of the Scroll of Ester (telling this story -- which is found in the Tanach/Bible), and finally, getting very drunk during a ritual meal. If you want to know why, I can tell you.

Apparently, in Roman times a custom was developed to dress up in silly costumes for Purim. So, Purim is like the Jewish Halloween, minus paganism and plus a strong religious purpose, theme, and traditions. Everyone is dressed up in Israel tonight. Everyone is partying. Everyone is out and about and... most seem to have a mouse outfit on.

I was walking down a back alley, taking a shortcut to my bank's ATM, when out of nowhere a motorcycle screams by, going way too fast, and the driver was gunning his engine in the manner that cyclists do to get attention. Very manly. Or should I say, very mously?

Yeah, I never claimed to be a comedian! But seriously, this was the funniest thing I've seen in months. You don't even realize how much effort it took to get these pictures. I had to chase him around 3 different corners, me on foot, him on a powerful streetbike. Eventually I turned a corner and there he was, getting off his bike, and walking into a sushi restaurant. Five minutes later he comes out, I get the pictures. I felt like either a Mossad agent or a stalker.

Humorous Tel Aviv Art Part 3

Tel Aviv is a real city, as opposed to Jerusalem. They stay up late, stores stay open till the wee hours, and there are tons of clubs. I heard once that the beach area of Tel Aviv (it's on the Mediterranean) has more clubs per block than any other city in the world. Not sure if that's true or not, but there are a lot, I know that. I feel like Spain or Brazil probably has to take that award, though.

Anyway, as I was walking around at 4 AM in a residential area of TA last Thursday, I noticed this interesting sandwich shop. 4 AM and they were still making custom paninis and baguettes from a kiosk building (typically coffee stops), and I was quite tempted. I opted for a picture, instead.

Also, like the Star of David drawn on a bus window sill that I wrote about a few weeks ago, an unlikely Magen David caught my eye. Right there in the entrance of a not so religious clothing store, an "immodest" style of clothing, there was a Star of David on the floor. It was very pretty, made out of what looked like small tiles, and glittery. Just right there in the entrance to an Israeli - not "Jewish" - clothing outlet, a tiny boutique, there is our heritage. In the midst of an area that even goes so far as to call itself anti-religious, you cannot escape the Jewishness of this land and people. Again, reason #247 that I love this country.

Humorous Tel Aviv Art Part 2

Today our teacher, Sara, brought in Hamantashen and candies. We were doing a written exercise, she left the room, and then returned with a huge smile and an even more massive plate of these scrumptious Purim-time only pastries. Remember, this woman was born in 1947, so to see her bound in and float around like a 16 year old, well, something had to be up.

She says, "I'm extra happy today! I have a new grandchild!" We all congratulated her, of course, and asked questions for about the next 20 minutes. I have to say that the best Hebrew practice is asking someone about their life, their family, their histories. Turns out, however, that her son married an American girl (whose father is Israeli) and they moved to Holland about 5 years ago. Sara says there is "no chance" that they will return. She said the kids will probably return when they're our age, and she'll teach them Hebrew in this very room. She has a good sense of humor. Still, it's very sad that her mathematician (PhD) son chose to leave the motherland and his people.

Even more sad for Sara! I'm not sure, and no one mentioned it, but when I asked if he will return, she said "no chance," and turned to the side a little. I think her eyes teared up, she lifted her hand to her neck and rested it there, and didn't say anything for a few seconds. This was pretty much when I was the only one talking to her, but it seemed fairly clear to me that she was momentarily emotional. That passed quickly, however, and she once again took up the plate and forced more and more candies and pastries on us. She was literally dumping chocolates onto our tables. I told her she really is a Jewish mother -- er, grandmother!

American Jews, European Jews, North African Jews, Middle Eastern Jews; all of our mothers think we're starving to death!

On that note, here's a store in Tel Aviv on the main shopping street of Dizengoff that my grandmother should enjoy.

Humorous Tel Aviv Art

Street art in this country tends to be weird and or comical. I was in Tel Aviv a few days ago, as I mentioned, and some things caught my eye. These were on stores, on their glass walls. Not sure if they were for the store, part of their logo or something, but I found them funny. There are others that I will post throughout this week.

Enjoy the drug-induced chamsa and the evil pitchforker. Again, you can click on the image for full-size, or you can right click and download it ("Save to Desktop").

Jerusalem Breeds Crazies

Jerusalem: Bus drivers that look like Danny DeVito, and crazy people on those very buses.

This world seems to have everything worked out perfectly. Instead of staying at my friend's beautiful apartment in Tel Aviv last night, I decided to take a walk and catch a shuttle back to Jerusalem - at 5 am. Eh, I wanted to get back to my place, and I had a lot to do. I'm glad I left considering the spectacle I was graced with.

So I got into Jerusalem, and caught a bus back to my apartment. On the ride there, a fairly pretty lady around the age of 40 got on, followed by a massive man, probably about 4 feet wide, literally, aged 30 or so.

She bounded to the seats that are two rows of chairs facing each other. She sat down on the right side of the bus, or rather she jumped into her seat. She popped out of that seat and fell into the window seat, and then fidgeted some more. She stood up abruptly, speaking incoherently to herself, and then switched to the left side of the bus. She sat down on the aisle seat, and instantly sprung up out of the chair, a smile ten feet wide across her tanned face, and threw herself into the window seat. She told the guy sitting across from her, facing her as the chairs are situated, to hold her coffee cup while she got her bus pass from her purse.

"Hold this. Thank you. What's wrong with you?" He had Downs' Syndrome.

She tore through her purse, grabbing item after item.

"Tissue. Tissue! Another tissue, what the hell?!" She was not speaking with an indoor voice. "Hey," pulling out a lighter, "Na," starting the religious chant of a group that follows a certain Rabbi Nachman, a group that has a chant drawing out his name. "Na," pretending to ignite the lighter, "Na, nach..." Almost, smiling no less than 20 teeth's worth. "Nach, nachma!!!" She's crazy! "NACHMAN!" And there she goes folks, she's officially nuts. She lit a lighter while chanting the Breslav Nachman mantra. And just as fast as she went through this, she puts the lighter in her left hand between all the tissues, resuming the rummaging.

"Tissue! What is this?!" Crazy. "Hey," looking at the Downs' Syndrome guy, "how are you?"
No response. Blank stare.
"Hey! Tain li neshika," thrusting her right cheek in front of the guy. "Tain li neshika," darting her left cheek in his face. "Tain li!" Give me a kiss. "Hey, this is my brother. You like him instead? You want to come with us? Come! Now, let's go!"
Fear. Still holding the coffee cup, which probably had anything but plain coffee in it, he began to extend it towards her. Fear. Eyes as open as canyons. No words.
"What's with you? Hey, everybody, what's with him?!"
The man with Downs' Syndrome shoves the cup into her hand, grabs his bag, tears himself from his seat as the bus is still moving, wheels on his right heel, hunched over as we tend to do when rising and turning at the same time, and then is thrown about five feet towards the middle door as the bus driver hits the accelerator. He is propelled like a Kassam into a guardrail next to the back seats.

This sends the woman and her "brother" into hysterics. She abruptly stands, laughing at his misfortune and fear, and starts to pray wildly, rocking back and forth as the religious do. "Ha, did you see that?! Adonay was king, Adonay is king, Adonay WILL BE KING! NACHMAN!"

"Amen," says the brother.
Taking a sip of her coffee concoction, "AMEN AND AMEN!"

She falls into her seat again, still rummaging through the purse for a bus pass. More tissues. She is now holding an entire fist full of Kleenexes. She pulls out a small tube, all smiles, "sniffalee!" Another lighter. A cut straw, "another sniffalee," and a small metal case, "hasamim..." The drugs.

"SNIFFALEE! NA-NACH-NACHMA-NACHMAN! SNIFFFFFFFF!!!" The religious woman couldn't help but turn around and stare, and I was way past caring by this point. This woman is literally screaming, smiling, laughing, all at the top of her lungs, as her morbidly obese brother smiles silently. He does manage to say, "everyone always thinks she's crazy, but she's not! She's my sister!"

"Hey, Driver! DRIVER!"
He smiles, unable to ignore her good humor.
"Hey, what do you think, Driver?"
He smiles.
"Hey! Here's the pass! I told you I had it," looking to her brother, "I TOLD YOU!"
The driver and I exchange glances through the mirror. He is loving it.
"Hey! Oh, oh no! This is us! OK, STOP THE BUS NOW! OK! DRIVER, thank you very much, Driver."

The Danny DeVito look-alike driver stops at a non-designated area, something you never see, and she actually runs off the bus. Runs. Her brother waddles, of course.

This was 6:57 am. Not a bad way to start the day.

Eh, It's Not All Fun & Games

You'll notice I've up this "Digg" thing on the right side of every post. Just an attempt to modernize this blog. I'm going to add FeedBurner soon, in case anyone wants to access the blog by RSS. Also, I bought the domain name "www.israelibyday.com" so when you access this site, that's all you have to remember. That's the new URL. For information on Digg, click here. To sign up for Digg, just click on the link itself.

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Anyway, so I want to inform the public here of a word that was used quite a bit in class today. Namely used by me to refer to the British girl that sits next to me. Yes, you, British girl. I know you are reading this. And yes, I'm about to PUNK you on my blog -- so, my Mom and Dad will read this, which is about the extent of my readership. Consider yourself officially "in the blog."

A nudnik, or in Hebrew נודניק, is a pest, an obnoxious kid that can always be heard asking, "Dad, Dad, Dad, hey Dad, Hey! Hey, are we there yet? Hey Dad? Dad!" An annoying, incessant, aggravating individual. Like this Brit in our class who argues every word with the teacher, even the one we have once a week who really doesn't speak English. I know what you're thinking. Give us an example of how she's a nudnik (technically a nudnikit, but whatever), right?

We were doing some grammar work when we came across a new verb. One problem inherent in learning a new language is a tendency to want to translate everything. Sometimes you can't help but translate. You don't really have any connection to the new word other than in your old language. For instance, I haven't used or experienced the verb "לזעזע" in Hebrew. So, when I think of "לזעזע" I'm really only thinking of the translation, "to convulse." I haven't melted that word into a neural pathway. I haven't used it in public. I haven't heard anyone say it. I've never seen it.

A nudnik, on the other hand, sometimes forgets that perfect translations are fairly worthless. The Brit finds herself in that boat. Again with the silly Europeans, right?

So there I sat as the class, mainly feuled by my English neighbor, got into an intense argument over the translation of a verb meaning roughly "to accomplish." No, maybe it means "to achieve!" Or "to perform?" No, that's not right. How about "to realize or attain!" I know it... "to actualize." Or how about when she argued over the difference between "fog" and "mist," all the while the actual word I needed to know began to slip away from me. I forget how to say... Perfect. Nudnik.

Oh, and we were tired today, if you couldn't tell by my two buddies in the picture. D, be careful what you wish for!

I've said over and over how this country is the international hub of the Jewish world -- and maybe of the Christian world, as well, considering that while walking through the Old City a few days ago I overhead a man say, "Well, it's more fun to love Jesus, anyway." That made me smile. Hey, you help our economy, you can love Jesus all you want!

Last week we were sitting in class, mumbling through our lessons with our typical laziness, when there was a knock on the door. About 5 people were out there, some rapid-fire Hebrew took place, which I caught just about zero of, and then all of a sudden a huge camera was in our face.

Apparently, the largest news provider in Brazil wanted to get a piece of the Hebrew action. Once a week, according to my Brazilian friends sitting next to me, that particular TV channel does a piece on some interesting thing. I'm not sure if it's always an international topic, or just whatever catches the producers' attention, but they've decided to do a bit on Israel.

This cameraman came into our class, stayed in there for about 15 minutes filming all of us while everyone except myself tried pathetically 100% harder to look like good students, and then left with all of our souls in his digital device. Well, minus the last part, of course. It was quite humorous to me to see everyone sit up straight, wipe the gunk from their eyes, hack up the morning mucus of reticence, and excitedly respond to our teacher's own amount of added effort: "Binyan?" "Hitpael!" "B'atid?" "Teeshtataef!" "E'zeh talmidim!" "E'zeh morah!"

Not that I'm better than anyone else, or that I'm cooler for not joining in with any added enthusiasm. Not at all. I just found myself to be, believe it or not, quite camera shy. Hey, Brazil is a big country, with a lot of people. Presumably a few million people may see this thing. Doesn't that make anybody else discomfited? At least I wasn't one of the people who got that super bright, super scary camera shoved in their face. If that's the price of my 15 minutes, count me out of time. It was so hilarious when he got down on our Ethiopian student's face, zoomed way in, and just held it on him for about a minute. I think he felt the same way as me. He's had enough excitement in his life. You know, the whole escaping genocide thing.

I probably would have told him to bugger off, as the Brits say. Coincidentally, I was caught on tape again by this same group as I was eating some falafel out in the New City. And then, that same day, they caught me as I was leaving the Old City. Can't a brother get some privacy? Sheesh.

Looks like the government reads my blog. (Clicky clicky here).

The Awesomest Thing About Living Here <--- Click on this link!

"The earth shook in many parts of Israel at 12:37 p.m. Friday." I love how poetic the newspaper can get. No, seriously, we've had a few earthquakes since I moved here in September. Apparently, we are due for some catastrophic quake - overdue, actually. Israel rests on a major fault line that goes all the way up through Syria and Lebanon and the such, all the way down through the Sinai and into Egypt, I believe. Consequently, this country is tossed around by both politics and geology. Hey, leave us alone already - stupid tectonic plates.

It's like I'm living in California! So, for this particular quake that happened on Friday, around noon, I happened to be at someone's apartment doing my laundry. I was there alone, and was sprawled out on the couch watching a movie, relaxed as relaxed gets. And out of nowhere the apartment complex started to rumble. It was shaking side to side, very subtly, but I could tell right away, instantly, exactly what it was. I thought for a second, "well, maybe it is the dryer banging against the wall," but I knew in my heart of hearts that it was the ground shaking. The ground literally shaking. Only two things make the ground shake here, and I could tell it wasn't the other one.

An hour later when I got up to check on my clothes, I checked out the local news. And there it was, an earthquake reported to be felt in Jerusalem. Quite satisfying to have the confirmation that I actually did feel, and realized I was feeling, in my opinion one of the coolest experiences on this earth. A few things rank highly in my mind as being really "cool": Helicopters, lightening, and earthquakes.

I'll add this experience to the long list of surprises I've been given in this land.

It's a Jewish State

You hear all about Israel wanting to remain a "Jewish State." Or, the media refers to Israel as a "Jewish State." What does that mean for a democracy? What does that mean for minorities? What is a "Jewish State," after all.

What it means is that the population is Jewish, and the population identifies itself as Jewish. A Jewish State is a cultural term, meaning that these people walk, talk, think, act, and speak like Jews. Well, the natural question is, what does that mean?

It can be a religious thing, that we as Jews see ourselves as Jews, that we are the people that G-d chose to live in this land, to keep his Torah and laws, to be the 'light to the nations.' It can also be a nationalist identification. That we see ourselves as Jews, in the sense that we are an ethnicity. Just like a Japanese person would say, "I am Japenese, and my people are ethnically Japanese, based on our language, food, shared history, religion, and cultural cues," a Jew in Israel would say "Our food, our language, our religion, our history, our culture, our nation..."

So, when I walk around, with these types of things on my mind, the types of things that really brought me to Israel -- the beauty of transitioning from an embarrassed Jew to a proud one, the natural feeling of being a Jew in his land, the knowledge that we belong here, and belong to each other -- I walk around and have these things on my mind, and instead of them slowly slipping away as mere idealism, as idealism seems to do, they are reinforced in my daily life. That's because this isn't just a Jewish place due to everyone being Jewish. It's Jewish because we embrace it. If I could have frozen time, I would have taken pictures of all the 13 year old, secular, teenage punk girls and boys, all wearing Stars of David.

Just riding on a regular old city bus, on any old day, what do I see? Grafitti. Typical. But, not your normal grafitti, or at least not normal anywhere outside of this country. In this country, this is pretty much everywhere. If you're a Jew, you'll know what it feels like to see this randomly penned in America (and anywhere else, as far as I assume). To see this in this country, with all that young idealism in your head... Just a tiny little star on the sill of a bus window, a German bus, nonetheless, and your difficulties just seem to melt away with the ethereal sun.

Just #247 of the reasons I love this country.

Wednesday may have been a joke when it comes to snow, but Thursday was actually fairly nice! There was some snow, and it was falling like snow should fall, until 9 or 10am. The rain came, rather quickly, and destroyed it...but there was a nice layer for a few hours. Here's a few pictures of my street and mail box, covered in the good white stuff. I wish I could have made it to the Old City -- I'm sure it was quite majestic while covered with manna.

Chag Sheleg Sameach! (Happy Snow Day!)

Last week, the weather people were predicting some snow. Despite the recommendation of stocking up on bread and milk, the thermometer stayed in the 40s, and all we got was a light drizzle. So, when we were warned of snowfall for last night and this morning, I was naturally skeptical. It does snow around here, and the elevation of Jerusalem is about 2,500 feet, but...

Well, it snowed over night and early this morning. Without knowing that, I woke up feeling even more unwilling than usual to get out of bed with the customary 7am alarm, and instantly realized I wasn't going to be able to get out of bed. Only then did I take a look out the window, seeing that there were actually snowflakes coming down. My first Israel snow! The strange thing, however, was that the snow was falling like rain. They were clearly flakes, but they were coming down so quickly!

"A heavy snowfall blanketed Jerusalem and the surrounding areas Tuesday night and was continuing to fall Wednesday morning. As expected, the Jerusalem municipality decided to cancel school in the capital for the day due to the slippery streets. University classes were also canceled, as well as kindergartens and preschools."

That, and the rest of the following quotes, are from a Jerusalem Post article. This gets funny.

And apparently, it must be severe, because "100 snow plows were deployed around the city and were clearing the roads." Man, must really be snowing hard, eh?

Must really be chilly to have all this snow, right? "The forecaster said that with strong winds, the temperature in the capital could plummet to as low as -9º C." Wow, -9 Celsius? Burr! So, the wind chill could make the temperature a bone freezing, gasp, 15 degrees Fahrenheit! That's pretty cold, but not in terms of wind chill. When the Green Bay Packer's played the New York Giants for the NFC championship this year, in Green Bay, the wind chill was negative 23 degrees. That, my friends, deserves a new's report.

How on earth are they going to deal with such freezing weather? "[The ambulance service] has also reissued protocols for treating victims of hypothermia, and paramedics have been outfitted with warm gloves and special suits." And a sixth of our population is from Russia...

People drive like madmen here, especially the cops. As opposed to American cops, who tend to drive especially within the law, Israeli cops take advantage of their immunity. How often have you been slowed down on the interstate because a cop was also on the road, driving with the traffic? Should we pass him? He is going 65 on a 65. Well, the cops here are insane drivers, whipping around turns and gunning their Subaru's to the max. Not surprisingly, then, "A 17-year-old girl was lightly injured when a police car flipped over on Jerusalem's Golda Meier Boulevard due to the blizzard." My emphasis.

I hope the girl is ok. That sounds pretty serious, for a car to flip. I can 100% guarantee you the cop was driving recklessly, especially for a -– blizzard. Blizzard! That's serious! Must be, like, a few feet or something. Terrible winds, too! A blizzard is actually a defined term, or at least has definitions by individual countrys' weather services. Canada's definition requires constant 25mp/h winds and a wind chill of less than -13 degrees Fahrenheit. America requires constant 35mp/h winds and visibility limited to a quarter of a mile.

Most blizzards have a couple feet of snow. The Great Blizzard of 1888 had snowdrifts of up to 50 feet! I personally remember, with great affection, the North American Blizzard of 1996. That was the absolute greatest winter of my life. I am from Elkton, Virginia, which is right next to the Shenandoah National Park. The SNP was recorded as getting 47 inches, and Elkton got just as much. My dog and I, I remember vividly, went jumping through the snow, because neither of us could walk properly. She would jump, reappear a second later, bounding forward, while I almost crawled on the top of the 4 feet of white stuff. That was a blizzard!

So, one of the most respected newspapers in Israel reported a blizzard, at least inadvertently. Must be quite a bit of snow! How much, precisely, do you ask? "About 10 cm. is expected to accumulate in Jerusalem by the end of Wednesday and another 10 by late Thursday."

Wait. Aren't centimeters smaller than inches? Isn't that about, um, let me estimate... 4 inches? Wait, 4 inches of snow is a blizzard? Oh, hold on, plus another 10 centimeters – Oh. An 8 inch blizzard?

Humph. It's been raining since 8am. The weather is really miserable. There is literally so much rain on our front walkway that a river came in under our door, before we noticed. Miserable. It's funny that they were so worried about snow. I'm worried we're going to have floods! Take a look at this picture. I took this from my window, of our back yard, around 7:45am. This is our blizzard conditions...

Yesterday I was walking home from class when I saw something quite interesting. As I was walking down the street I saw a cop van and a cop car parked next to a house that is being built. The construction on the house looks just about finished, with just the final touches needed. The walls are up, the Jerusalem stone has been applied, and all it was lacking externally was windows. For some reason, without seeing anything but the police presence, I knew right away what was going on.

Israel is known as a country of refuge, believe it or not. In this area of the world, including the Asian continent we supposedly live on, the Jewish state is looked to as a place to go to rise up in the world, or to be rescued from danger. That's why I see it as America, fifty years ago, where people from around the world would dream of going to to get Westernized. Israel has the best universities outside of Europe and America, rivaling both of those areas as well. We have one of the best medical programs. Our trading centers are also top notch, such as in diamonds (surprise surprise). And we have human rights; no wonder the Sudanese and Ethiopians trekked here from hundreds of miles away.

Not without reason, then, do many people from poor Eastern European countries and southeast Asian nations try to get into Israel to live, work, or study. You wouldn't imagine how many Filipino, Vietnamese, and Indonesians are here working as geriatric nurses. As a matter of fact, my flatmate's friend talked to me yesterday about a Korean family that she just interviewed to rent her grandfather's apartment for the year. The man is getting a degree from a college here in Jerusalem.

And, as this country is continually under construction, of course the labor is going to be international. Not only Arabs are the construction crew, however. As the movie Janem, Janem expertly reveals, people from Romania and Turkey find their way to Israel. Tons of Southeast Asians, again. People from all over want to get in to help build the country -- in 2008 for money as in 1895 for ideals. Human ambition never changes, only the circumstances. There are so many anecdotal stories about people in ravaged countries who work in factories only to be paid with the products that they create or work on. As I read once, some Russian coffin makers are actually compensated with, of all things, coffins. At least in Israel they'll get some cash.

So, as I was walking down the street, there was a construction site, and police cars. And there, just like in the aforementioned movie (which you should definitely find), were Eastern European looking men being led into the police van. As far as I know, the way it works is the cops know what is being worked on, and they just do random visa checks. They show up, ask for your passport, check the details, and if there's a problem they take you in...and then deport. I wonder if those men I saw yesterday are back in Lithuania?

The President of the United States has come and gone; Israel is back to normal, or as normal as an abnormal country can hope to be. I spent Wednesday late-morning glued to the television, awaiting Bush’s arrival. The Army band was all lined up, the heads of state were shaking sweaty palms and pushing meek smiles, the journalists were stretching, and the red carpet was waiting to be trampled. All of this for Pres. Bush, a man whose visits abroad mean so little that the only thing the American news stations were reporting on was the heat between Clinton and Obama.

But, us Israelis were geared up for the event. I, along with millions of others, waited as our roads were closed off, our cops were pulled to King George Street, and we prepared for inconvenience, in the least. While watching the preposterous pomp and circumstance being laid out for Bush, I was gearing myself up for a guaranteed to be hectic visit downtown. I wanted to catch some shots of his convoy, or at least take some pictures of the road closures and police presence.

They kept up with their silly political speeches, Olmert saying how great it is to have a friend like Bush, and Bush saying how great it is for America to have a friend like Israel. I rolled my eyes, waiting to see Bush either say something dumb, or for Olmert to start kissing his feet. I didn’t get that lucky… One comical element of the procession occurred when the head of the Army band, or some other Army pomp-leader, was supposed to call Bush to walk forward. Bush, of course, was going to lead the heads of state down the aisle in holy matrimony. Instead of calling out to Bush in English, the language the man knows, this Israeli sucker yelled “ADONI!,” an expression meaning “my lord,” in the 18th century British tradition. That’s the ridiculousness of Israelis. Don’t speak their language? Most important man in the free-world? “Ehh, who cares?”

Bush got into Marine One, or whatever that cool helicopter is called, and they headed out for Jerusalem. I got my things together, packed up my jacket with the iPod and camera and wallet and all that business, and started to head out the door, hoping to catch Bush’s convoy in town. As I was about to turn the t.v. off, however, I noticed that they were showing one of the many helicopters landing in an area right next to my apartment. As I saw this, I heard chopper noises close-by. So, I run outside, up my steps, and there goes the beginning of the chopper-convoy. One by one, the choppers fly right over my apartment, flying in RPG range, and then Marine Force One comes by.

Fairly fortuitous! I snapped some pictures, and noticed my neighbors all staring at the same sight. So, I knew my chances were now very slim on getting downtown in time, considering how quickly they got to Jerusalem. but I got everything together and caught the bus. On the ride downtown a whole pack of Israeli helicopters flew over the road and made their way back to a base, I think. A few choppers were in the sky all-day, but that’s not always out of the ordinary.

On the ride into town everyone on the bus was talking about Bush. Mostly, everyone was complaining about the road-closures and alternate routes for the bus, placing their normal stops out of reach. Three teen boys in front of me joined in on taking pictures of the massive blimps in the air above King David Hotel – the eyes in the sky. As we were turning on a road intersecting King George Street, the street that Bush’s hotel is on (a closed street), I glanced up and noticed about 5 big, black, Chevy Suburbans blaring their diplomatic lights and sirens. I caught the tail-end of Bush’s convoy; not bad. I later found out that a friend of mine actually saw Bush, and got pictures. Pretty cool stuff, if you ask me.

I spent the rest of the day taking pictures of the huge police presence, the barricades along the roads, buses of army kids being shipped in for extra, free muscle, and of course the swarm of media personnel. It really was pretty neat to see all this activity, especially considering that I’m not a city-boy. I’m from Elkton, Virginia. We don’t see presidents and security lockdowns.

The news channels were talking about Bush for three days. They all said the same inane crap: “Look at Bush, he really is a smart guy. He doesn’t have to bring papers with him. He remembers everything. He looks very smart right here, next to Olmert.” They love that guy! The man on the street wasn’t as upset about Bush’s policies as he was about road closures and the hassle of extra security. That’s not to say there weren’t protests and signs and large groups of haters. I’m just saying that most of the conversations I overheard were from frustrated commuters.

So, what should I say? Should I admit that I was a little moved, for some reason, while watching the procession on t.v.? Why exactly did I feel patriotic, as both an American and Israeli, as I watched two men I have little respect for represent the countries I hold in great esteem? Should I admit that I was a little star-struck while watching a presidential chopper convoy? Or maybe I could venture to submit that I was even a little bit proud to be an American on those days? I really had no reason to be proud, considering who was there representing America. And to be an American here – not really the most impressive thing. But, on those days, for whatever reason, I felt like America and Israel had a chance after all…even while keeping in mind my opinion on the effectiveness of these diplomatic visits.

Or, maybe it was the $1.8 million that Israel spent in securing Bush that forced me to feel a little awed. $1.8 mill in three days? I better shed a damn tear for all that!



I’ll post some pictures in the next few days.

Bush's One-Fingered Victory Salute

Wow. A little nuts. Every once in a while an event takes place that makes you step back and examine your surroundings, your routine, your life. That event, for me, is going to be tomorrow as George Bush lays his filthy paws on the unsoiled soil of Israel. This will be the President's first visit to the Holy Land, despite his administration's obsession with the lovely Middle East. It's strange to think that his Secretary of State, Condomn-Liza Rice (which "sounds like a Mexican dish, I wanna eat ya!"), has been here so much she's about to sign up for a temporary visa. Now, after finding out what a presidential visit entails, I'm glad this will be the one and hopefully only visit of said "president," if he deserves that title.

Here's the best article I've found for the fun-facts on Bush's visit: Hyperlink to site.

Let me summarize from that article, which pretty much confirms what I've read from the news, but just gives over the juicy details. Here's the good stuff:

-Motorists and city residents should expect massive traffic congestion and road lock-down in central Jerusalem starting Wednesday morning for the three-day visit of US President George W. Bush.
Massive congestion in the country's already heavily congested downtown busiest and biggest city? Yay!

-Police urge the public to avoid the area around King David Street altogether.
Hahahaha. Real laughs are coming out of my mouth. Avoid the area of King David Street? Let me give all you readers out there who are not familiar with Jerusalem an idea of Jerusalem geography. Essentially, there is a circular epicenter to Jerusalem, which we call 'downtown.' This area has the majority of shops, restaurants, and a considerable number of offices. This is the main economic center of Jerusalem. This downtown is going to be avoided altogether? Altogether? As in, "don't go to the only fun place in the city for a few days, all 3 million of you Jerusalmites." Yeah, this I am excited to see. I can't wait to go downtown tomorrow; King David Street is my route everyday, anyway. The police are effectively telling the most rubber-necking people in the world, the same people that mauled Leonardo Dicaprio when he visited, to not go and stick our Jewish noses into some international business? Yeah, right!

-Route 1 will be closed to the public on both sides January 9, (with traffic diverted to route 443) as Bush's entourage travels from Ben Gurion International Airport to Jerusalem.
That's just annoying. That's the main highway between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. And, the detour route? Yeah, that goes through the West Bank. Fun, let's see the sights in friendly Baghdad!

-Flights in and out of Israel's only international airport, Ben Gurion, will be suspended around the time Bush lands. (Other suspensions are possible, check hotline for updates.)
Is that really necessary? What could happen? Some guy is going to hijack a plane while it is on the ground and taxi it into Air Force One?

-From the airport, Bush will fly by helicopter to Jerusalem. The choppers will be flown in from the US on Air Force cargo planes, along with armored limousines - complete with District of Columbia license plates - vans filled with high-tech communications gear and other vehicles for a heavily armed counterassault team.
That's freakin' sweet! The President is going to bring that badass Air Force chopper, the one Nixon stood on while giving his famous peace sign goodbye! Maybe Bush would take a hint? No, seriously, I'm very excited with the possibility of getting a photo of D.C. plates here in the real capital of the world. I love D.C., but Jerusalem is the heart of civilization. Hey, Jesus was here, wasn't he? Oh, and Bush's million dollar armored limos? They really don't trust the area, do they? I really really pray that I can get downtown, see these vehicles, and snap a few pics. All of it is just so silly. All these stops are being pulled just for an idiot, coke-addict, dumbo to go sightseeing and accomplish NOTHING.

-During the visit, the Old City's five-century- old ramparts will be illuminated with floodlights until 2 am. instead of midnight, so Bush will have more time to enjoy the view from his window at the nearby King David hotel.
Cute! Could we kiss any more ass?

-More than 10,500 police and security personnel will be deployed to protect Bush and keep order during the visit - more than one-third of Israel's entire police force. In addition, Bush is bringing scores of Marine commandos and heavily armed counterassault security teams for his personal protection. Israeli security personnel will include snipers, bomb-sniffing dogs and bodyguards from the Shin Bet internal security service, including reservists called up especially for the visit.
I bet Benazir Bhutto would've liked that kind of protection. But honestly, would it really be that bad if he got popped? Hey, I'm just asking!


The city is in lockdown because of this guy, this fool. Really, honestly, no one wants him here. It's 2008, his term is just about over, and who does he think he's fooling? You didn't come for 8 years, Mr. President, so why now all of a sudden? I personally think that he doesn't want that stat on his record: "Never Visited Israel."

Israel is the only country in the world that is really aligned with America. We are homeboys, America and the Promised Land. Israel gives America all of her cutting-edge military technology...America denies Israel the newest fighter jets. Israel encourages American tech companies to come over and setup shop (Google, IBM, Microsoft, etc)...America gives out about 3 visas a year to Israelis. Hey, we're not complaining. We're friends, and friends share, right?

Here's the bottom line of this visit: Israel is getting pummeled by the world, in public opinion and reticence in doing business, but we're still on our feet. No one wants to trade with us, but we keep leading the pack in medical, military, agricultural, and high-technology. We can't even afford to pay our teachers, and have to cut immigrant assistance programs to make up for it. But, our good buddy George Bush is coming over, the same guy that is pushing our own yokel prime minister to give away half the land to a terrorist organization, and we are gonna give him the red carpet. And for what? What is he going to do? He's gonna visit some churches that Jesus went to, have lunch with Olmert and Abbas, and that's it. He's coming to sightsee, and we're paying for it. How much are we paying for it? Prepare for the kicker!

The operation, dubbed "Clear Skies," will cost Israel $25,000 for every hour Bush is in the country.

Do I have to say any more? I'll save you the effort on the math. He's here for three days, that's 72 hours. $25,000 times 72 = $1,800,000. $1.8 million for a five dollar president.

Sorry if this post was a little unsophisticated. I'm just exasperated. I heard the other day that we cut the security guys that have been working the past few years on the bus lines. At all the big stops there was a security guy, checking everyone out. They fired them, because, "the threats have died down." Uh huh. Maybe we could have used $1.8 million to hold on to those guys for a couple more years? I don't know, the whole 'protect your citizens' thing?

Let's just hope I get a good picture for all my troubles.


(Here's an interesting article from The Jerusalem Post).